No Coming Back
by PrincessPears
Summary: Sometimes, if I close my eyes and concentrate really hard, I hear her innocent laughter, or picture that mischievous glint that always seemed to be present in her eyes...but then my mind reminds me, with soul crushing pain radiating all over my body, that those are luxuries I'll no longer get to experience. And I know, we will never be the same again.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey it's me...I know I haven't written in a while, so I'm sorry for that. I guess I've just been too busy to sit down and write in some old book. But today, it's something I really need to do. I apologize in advance if I sound numb...or if I ramble...or if my falling tears stain your pages._

_Back in the old world, the butterfly effect wasn't something I ever really thought much of, but now, in this life, I thought of it often. There were so many possibilities to dream up, with so many things that could change with just one simple action. My thoughts often wander back to the funeral home, and I thank God everyday that Daryl had taken the time to check outside the door. When he saw the walkers swarming the front porch, he quickly came back and grabbed me so we could sneak out the back door. I'm intrigued though...what could have gone wrong if he hadn't taken the time to check? Instead just assuming it was the dog again, before yanking the front door open? I would never really find out. Knowing I would never know how things could be different didn't really bother me...usually. On most days, it would just be a nagging curiosity lingering in the back of my mind, often wondering if we would have ever found our family. Today was different though. Today I desperately wanted to know how much some silly little action could change everything. Sometimes I'd feel dread when I thought of how disparate my life could be. The dark part of my mind would take over and I'd think of the horrible possibilities that could have come...like getting separated from Daryl, or never having accepted the love we now have. But there was nothing that would ever top the darkness that's actually happening right now. I find myself wishing a butterfly would have come along earlier today, flapping it's wings to change the course of time, changing the way my life had turned out...because even I know, with all the hope and faith gone from my heart, there would be no coming back from this._


	2. Chapter 2

**This will be a super short multi chapter fic, probably four chapters total. The prompt was originally requested by my love, Hearts1989. It will not be a happy one. (We are masochists)**

**And I haven't died or abandoned my stories. My hectic life, depression, and anxiety have gotten the best of me lately and I just haven't had the time or energy to write anything. Burning Desire was reported and deleted by some apparently jealous and/or prude brat, but it is up on AO3 under the same title. My pen name over there is Slytherin_Princess10. All of my other stories will be updated probably this weekend, I've already started the updates. Thanks again for all your interest and support!**

**10 Hour Earlier...**

Beth cleaned up the bowls from lunch, setting them in the water to soak knowing if she didn't that she'd be irritated later when she had to scour them later to try and get rid of the dried on deer stew. The job would have been even harder without the use of soap, as they were having to ration it more and more until Daryl could find her a book on learning how to make some. Oh, how Beth missed the simple things in life. They had been lucky though, since the fall of the prison all those years ago.

There was no way of knowing an exact date but she was sure it had been seven years since her and Daryl had been ripped from their family. In the days after they had escaped the walkers that night, the pair grew even closer, forming a bond matched by no one. They made an unlikely couple, but it just seemed to fall in to place. Often, Beth would urge Daryl into conversations, silly ones where they would talk about how they'd get together in another life. They would continue their game of 'I Never', using it as a way to really get to know the little things about each other. Beth soon realized that there was absolutley nothing about Daryl that she didn't love, and she had a sneaking suspiscion that he felt the same way about her. It was only a few months after their escape from the funeral home when they had learned Beth was pregnant. The child had been conceived out of pure love, and both of them had been ecstatic to learn the news. Although, with a new addition on the way, they had to find a place where they could stay a while.

They found their new residence a couple months later. The timing couldn't have been more perfect in either of their minds, as Beth's belly had begun to swell, making traveling more and more difficult with each passing day. The house they had come across seemingly in the middle of no where seemed like it came out of their wildest dreams, at least in this new world. It was slightly run down, with peeling paint and an unstable front porch, but the two story structure would work perfectly. The surrounding woods provided hunting grounds for Daryl, and they weren't so far off from what used to be civilization that they couldn't make runs when they needed. The couple utilized the days of the remaining months of gestation to stock up on anything they could think of. Food, water, books, diapers, formula, hardware supplies, clothes, toys, weapons - literally everything they could think of and find. They would spend their nights wrapped in each other's arms, and Daryl's hand always seemed to find it's way to her stomach. On more than one occassion, Beth would wake up to find Daryl whispering to the baby growing inside of her, and it would make her hormones go absolutely insane. This usually would leave to them conveying their passion in physical ways, worshipping each other's bodies. Sometimes though, her hormones would go in the other direction, making her burst with tears as she thought about how truly lucky she was to have found this amazing man, and how beautiful it was that they would now share a child.

When Beth had gone into labor in the middle of the night, they both had been excited, but also terrified. The two of them were even more terrified when their daughter had come into the world blue and non-responsive. Daryl had done everything Beth instructed, recalling the information she had read in some of the medical books they had stockpiled. When the baby took her first breath, screaming her little lungs out, the new parents allowed themselves to cry, feeling the pure joy running through their bodies. Sydney Marie Dixon became a true Dixon in her first moments of life, a fighter right from the start. It was then that they felt their house had really become their home.

Their addition may have made their lives a bit brighter, but by no means was it easier. Such a little thing had wails so loud, it seemed to attract any walkers within a ten mile radius. Beth would often stay up with the baby while Daryl would take care of any visitors outside so that they never piled up. It seemed even in such a different life, all parents got to experience the joy of sleep deprivation. They been even more stress when Beth's milk dried up and they were quickly running out of formula, having to prematurely switch the baby over to solid foods and water, having to be extra cautious to make sure she was still getting the nutrients she needed, but they had gotten through it, because once again Sydney was a fighter.

Even with Beth's experience being Judith's caretaker, it was different not having anyone to talk to when you felt like you had no idea what you were doing. It really was a full time job with no training provided. While infants seemed so adorable, Beth and Daryl didn't really think they'd miss that stage in Sydney's life. However, they found they did miss their cute little baby, when Sydney was around three because babies couldn't talk. By this time, she was still very much stuck in her terrible twos phase, meaning the answer to everything was always no, even if she was being asked if she was just going to say no again. While most parents might love their children unconditionally, it didn't mean they always liked them. Beth was also pretty sure this was the first toddler she had known who knew at least five different curse words, thanks to her daddy not having any sort of filter on his mouth. She also liked to argue with anything Beth had said, even if her immature mind couldn't comprehend the topic at hand. It seemed Sydney really was a fighter in every way.

There were of good moments too, of course. Both parents had been shocked when their daughter decided to take her first steps while they were in the middle of a minor spat. The milestone had immediately made them forget what it even was that they were fighting about as they both looked on with proud eyes. It was an better experience for Daryl when she spoke her first word. "_Daddy!" _She had exclaimed over and over again happily when she was finally about to get her mouth to move like she had wanted. Beth was sure that Daryl wasn't even embarrassed that he had shed a couple more tears in the moment. He was very much a smug father at this point, firmly believing there was no one who was more perfect than the beautiful child him and Beth had created. Both of them seemed to think that about Sydney, knowing there wasn't any way their love for her could be topped.

Their thoughts only became truer as the child continued to grow. She grew into her own personality, much more complaisant than before, but she never lost that mischievous spark inside of her, the one that made her a true Dixon. She grew into her still tiny body, finding her footing in this life, loving to play her daddy's shadow. She found joy in simple activities like singing off-key, but was always looking for a new adventure. She loved to laugh like her mama, but also mastered that surly expression that had taken Daryl years to perfect. She could be sweet as sugar, but if you upset her, you had better expect one of her tantrums to do as much damage as a tornado. Sydney really was the perfect mix of both of her parents. They often liked to joke that she was a little apocalyptic princess.

"Mama!" The voice behind her startled Beth out of her little flashback. When her brain registered the voice as her daughter's, she smiled and turned around to see the grinning little girl standing there in her baggy ripped jeans and too tight top, clutching her favorite stuffed animal in her hands. It was Beast from Beauty and the Beast, Daryl had found it while scavenging another house and brought it back for their daughter, along with the book to go with it. Even though she would never be able to see the Disney classic, Beth had spent almost every night reading the condensed version of the story to their daughter, as it quickly became her favorite. From the first time she had heard it, Sydney had said Belle was like her mama and the Beast was like her daddy. It was probably the reason she had fallen in love with the brown worn out plushie, feeling like she always had a piece of her father with her, even when he was away trying to hunt down new food or scavenge some supplies. There was rarely a moment when you would see the tiny blonde without it in her arms, especially on days like today, when Daryl would leave early in the morning before their daughter would even awaken. She'd always cry she'd wake up to find him gone, because even in her young age, she understood that there were no guarantees he would be coming back. She would beg for her Daddy, not wanting even Beth's comforting embrace, which made the mother's heart clench while she wondered why in the world Daryl would leave without at least waking her up to say goodbye, but then she would quickly remember that it would just be even worse that way. However, the days seemed to pass by just a little bit smoother with the little Beast tucked in at her side. Daryl had told her it would help keep her strong and brave, because he would always be with her, as long as she kept the toy with her. So the little girl would cry her tears in the morning, then she'd put on her big girl face as Daryl had called it, and helped her mama out with whatever needed to be done, while they both waited anxiously for him to arrive home in the evening.

"What have I told you about sneaking up on people little miss?" Beth put her hands on her hips and tried to give her daughter a stern look, but with the smile still on her face she knew she was failing miserably.

Her daughter innocently replied to her question. "Well, Daddy taught me how to sneak around real good. And he said I should sneak up on you more because you go off into dreamland too much."

Beth fought the urge to roll her eyes, knowing how often Daryl chastised her for letting her guard down too much, never letting her forget what dangers still lurked in their lives. "Yeah, well Daddy needs to stop teaching you how to tip toe around like a little mouse."

"But I like it when Daddy teaches me things. I'm gonna be the best hunter and tracker there ever was! Just like him!" She completely idolized her father and she wasn't afraid to show it.

"I'm sure you will be." It wasn't a lie, Daryl would make sure their daughter was an expert at such things.

"I will!" Her daughter had a proud smile on her face now. "What are we doin' today, mama?"

Usually, Sydney would stick by her mom's side all day long, helping with whatever chores were due for that day. "Why don't you take a break for today? Go upstairs and play with your dolls?" It wasn't that Beth didn't enjoy spending time with her daughter, but sometimes she felt like she never got a moment to herself. Living in the apocalypse, there were no daycare centers or babysitters you could call up. Sure, she got a break when Daryl would stay home some days, but that was become rarer as he was having to go farther out for food and supplies now.

"Really?" The child looked hopeful and for this, Beth frowned. Her daughter really would never get the chance to grow up how she did. Of course she had wonderful parents that loved her, and they made sure that her basic needs were taken care of, and she had way too many toys, but still, it was very different.

"I mean it, baby. I'll just be in the garden, you yell for me if you need anything, I'll hear." The child squealed and ran up the stairs, giddy to be free from responsibilities for a day. Again, the sight saddened Beth. Beth reminded herself to give her more opportunities to just be a kid, instead of her little helper.

Beth went outside to the modest patch of dirt where she was able to grow a couple different kinds of vegetables to try and supplement their food supply. At first when she had tried to grow things, when Sydney was only a couple years old, she had failed miserably, but now she considered herself quite the green thumb. She again let her thoughts wander while she did the now mindless tasks. This time she thought of Daryl and how much he had really changed from when he first showed up on the farm. He had transformed from this closed off shell of a man into a leader, someone to be respected, but still he held onto his shell, protecting the feelings he kept inside. Beth had managed to break through that shell, accidently when they had been drinking moonshine, and every day after that he had opened himself up a little more. He had told her things she would have never expected, including telling her about his mean daddy and how he got his scars. He also told her that he never thought he'd be able to really be happy, but Beth had helped him get there. It made her heart swell, because he thought he was lucky to have found her, but Beth was the lucky one. She truly believed he was a good man, one who would do anything for her, one who had allowed her to get close, who put up with her attitude on multiple occasions. If you would ask Daryl though, he'd probably tell you that Beth was a saint, because she was the one who had put up with his mood swings, who had shown him how to have hope, who had given him no choice but to love her. Beth thought back to the first time he had actually told her how he really felt.

_Daryl had cleared the store before he let Beth come inside, he had been positive that it was empty. Except that he was wrong, and they weren't the only bodies in the building. Beth had been casually browsing through a rack of clothes, like it she was back in the normal world, shopping in a mall. Daryl had really wanted to tell her just to grab anything that would work, but she looked so relaxed for the first time in a while, so he let her continue. When she moved a couple hangers to the side, trying to get a better look at a sweatshirt that had caught her eye, a hand reached out and grasped her around her wrist. Beth's body froze and she felt like the only thing she could was scream as the walker pulled her closer to it's snapping jaw. Her instincts took over as she reached for the knife on her hip but before she could even pull it out, another was slammed down into it's head and she was being yanked back as the now double dead body fell to the floor. Daryl immediately checked her over for bites as Beth fought the urge to cry. It was just so stupid, for her to let her guard down like that. _

_After Daryl had finished checking her body for any signs of broken skin, he pulled her in for a bone crushing hug. Beth was slightly confused, she had been expecting him to rip her a new one, berate her for being so careless. She definitely didn't expect him to cling to her for dear life and whisper in her ear "I love you". It was so quiet that at first she hadn't even had been sure he had said it, but then when he said it again, a little louder this time, she heard it clear as day. Beth quickly picked up her arms from her sides and wrapped them around Daryl's body. "I love you too" she whispered back. _

_While Daryl might not have been an typical romantic, he did make sure to tell Beth every day, at some point, that he loved her. _

Beth smiled as she thought of all the times he had spoken the words to her, and how every time it still gave her butterflies in her stomach. If ever she was in a particularly bad mood, or if she was feeling down, all she had to do was think about how much this man loved her and how he reminded her of it constantly.

Another memory that never failed to warm her heart was the one from when she had told Daryl he was going to be a dad. Officially.

_They had been suspicious for a few weeks now. It was hard not to be, with the fatigue and the vomiting. After the first week of it, Beth had been almost positive it wasn't just a stomach virus causing her symptoms. She mentioned her theory to Daryl, but it would be a couple more weeks before they had been able to find a pregnancy test, because apparently they were a commodity these days. It was also a little disheartening that they were all expired by now, but they decided that it was worth a shot. _

_Beth had peed on the stick and now they sat together, in the middle of the woods, while she counted the seconds in her head, waiting for the three minute mark to arrive so they could possibly find out their fate. Daryl had an arm draped around her shoulders, desperately trying to appear nonchalant, but the bouncing of his foot and the way he was moving his fingers showed her his true emotions - he was just as nervous as she was. It wasn't really a comforting thought, but what made her even more terrified was that she had no clue how Daryl would really react if she actually did turn out to be pregnant. When she was sure that enough time had passed, Beth looked at Daryl, his eyes briefly meeting hers before she looked down to read the results. It was one of the cheap tests, no digital display, so she saw the control line immediately, and right there next to it was another, much fainter, line. She knew now for sure, she was pregnant. _

_"What's it say?" He hadn't read the directions that came in the box, so he couldn't see what was right in front of him. _

_"Positive." She breathed out, terrified of what his actual reaction would be. Daryl immediately removed the arm from around her shoulder. The action made Beth's eyes fill with tears, and it was not because of the hormones. She knew it would be something that would be hard for Daryl to digest, but now she was thinking he was going to be furious, or start to pull away from her like he had in the beginning. He didn't say anything as he stared ahead with his eyebrows furrowed, while Beth sat next to him with silent tears streaming down her face. _

_A baby was a gift, but in this life it could be a death sentence, and that's why she was worried about what Daryl was thinking about. However, to her surprise, Daryl snapped out of his momentary shock and looked over at her wet rosy cheeks. He immediately moved to his knees in front of her making Beth's eyes widen, wondering what he was doing. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"_

_Beth hicupped. "I...I thought you'd hate me." _

_"Why would I hate you, Beth?" Now thinking about it, the words that had come out of her mouth sounded just a little silly. _

_"I know this isn't something you want, but-"_

_His dirty calloused hand covered her mouth. "I'm gonna have to stop ya right there. Maybe in my old life this isn't something that i had ever wanted, but I've changed...and I have you to thank for a lot of that. I ain't gonna pretend like I know the first fuckin' thing about bein' a dad, but I know we can do this - together. You got that?" _

_His words didn't do anything to stop Beth's tears, instead making more of them fall as she nodded and leaned forward to wrap her arms around him. In return, he wrapped his hard bare arms around her lithe body, putting one hand around her back and the other on the back of her head as he held her against him with one thought running through his head - he was going to be a dad. Like he had said, he didn't know the first thing about being a father, but he knew he was going to try his best to give that child as much love as he could give, and he swore from that moment on to protect Beth and their baby with everything he had. _

When she emerged from yet another day dream, Beth looked up at the sky and saw it would be getting dark fairly soon. If Daryl was going to be coming home today like he had planned, she should be expecting him soon. She stood up off the dirt, wiping her hands on the now even filthier jeans and made her way back inside the house to see what mischief Sydney had found to get into.

Entering the house, she heard nothing. No laughter, no pitter patter of footsteps, and to Beth, that was strange. She quickly made her way up the stairs to the little girl's room. She found the door open, and no sign of Sydney anywhere. Beth felt her stomach drop as she started calling out for the child. "Sydney! Sydney, where did you go?" She yelled as she checked the other rooms upstairs, finding no trace of her in any of them. "Sydney, if you're hiding, it's not funny! Come out right now, I mean it!" Beth's voice was cracking as she got more desperate. She stood still as she waited to see if the child would crawl out from some secret hiding place. When she didn't emerge, Beth began searching the rest of the house. As she made her way into the kitchen, she noticed the back door was left slightly open. "Oh god, oh no."

Beth found her footing as she dashed out the door, looking for any sign of her daughter. She saw tiny fresh footprints leading away from the house towards the woods and her heart clenched in her chest and her lungs felt as if they were being deprived of air. She started to shake her head, ready to run off, hoping to catch up to her when she saw Daryl coming towards the house out of the corner of her eye. She turned towards him and saw he had a small smile on his face, obviously happy to see his wife for all intents and purposes. The smile fell when he saw the panic obvious on Beth's face. "What's wrong?"

"It's Sydney!"

Immediately, Daryl began looking around Beth for their daughter. "Where is she? Is she hurt? What happened?" The questions tumbled from his mouth without him even taking a breath.

"I don't know! She left!" Beth yelled, the anxiety that was building inside of her was now taking hold over her mind and body.

Daryl immediately whipped his head back to stare at her. "WHAT?" Beth pointed to the foot prints on the ground and Daryl took off, tracking the child's trail with Beth following quickly behind him.

Once further into the woods, they no longer cared about anyone, whether it be walkers or people, hearing them as they yelled out for the lost girl. "Syd!" Daryl's voice was hoarse after calling out for her so many times. He moved his eyes back down to the ground, searching the leaves for signs of disturbances when something caught his attention. He must have seen it the same time Beth did because she brushed passed him and reached down to pick up the object off the floor. She turned towards him and he saw in her hands the little stuffed Beast that Sydney always carried with her. He felt complete and utter dread because he knew she wouldn't have just dropped it unless she was in a hurry to get away from something. Quickly making his way towards where Beth had grabbed the stuffed creature, he was able to pick back up on her trail. This time when he moved, he was not careful and calculated in his movements, as his body was fueled by pure terror.

He wasn't even sure that Beth was able to keep up with him...until he was stopped in his tracks by the sight before him and he heard Beth let out a loud earsplitting scream filled with despair. After that, he heard nothing but his heart beat in his ears. His vision blurred and it took him a second to realize that tears were forming in his eyes. The sound alerted the walker that was feasting on their child's lifeless body to their presence. It started to make it's way to it's feet when Daryl raised the crossbow and fired an arrow through it's eye without even thinking.

Again Beth pushed passed him, and his hearing returned. He knew she was crying, and she kept saying "no" over and over again as she knelt down next to Syd's body, hands gently brushing over the bite in her neck, the one that had surely killed her, before moving up to her head and lightly stroking her hair so softly it was like she thought the girl would shatter underneath her touch. The worst part about the image was that Syd's once twinkling blue eyes were still open, but now looked dull with the spark gone as they stared up at the sky.

Daryl dropped the crossbow beside him and fell to his knees, putting his head in his hands as he let out an anguished yell before allowing himself to break down and cry. As sobs wracked his large frame, he felt as though his heart was literally being ripped from his chest and his body was being torn in half. With all the pain Daryl had felt through out his life, nothing had ever come close to what he was feeling right now.

Beth had no idea how long they had been sitting there, because for her, time had stopped. She didn't stop stroking her daughter's blonde hair as she mourned her death. She didn't snap out of her grief filled haze until Daryl knelt on the other side of Sydney. Beth noticed he was shaking as he reached down to his knife that was strapped to his hip. She knew she had gotten stronger over the years, but even she wouldn't be able to stomach watching that. She turned her head away and heard the distinct noise of a knife slamming into skull and brain, and then the squelching sound of it being removed.

When she turned back towards her daughter's now completely dead body, she saw Daryl, and his tear stained face, lifting Sydney into his arms, cradling her against his chest. If you squinted, ignoring the blood running down her body, it might have looked like the little girl had fallen asleep with her head on her daddy's shoulder. The thought may bile rise in Beth's throat as she threw her head to the side and empty the meager contents of her stomach onto the ground next to her.

Once back at the house, Beth sat on the ground with Sydney's head laid in her lap while Daryl dug a hole for her final resting place. It was dark but this was not something that could wait until the shining hours of the morning. When he was covered in even more dirt and sweat than before, Daryl hopped out of the hole in the ground and went to once again gather up his child's body.

Beth had a hard time letting go, literally clinging, her arms wrapped around the small body as Daryl had to pry it from her arms. She never stopped crying as they covered her, along with the little stuffed Beast, with dirt. Daryl's face was hard, his earlier emotions now washed away as he stared at the interrupted Earth.

No, there would be no coming back from this.


End file.
